God Gave Us Families

At the moment, I'm up with Caroline, who woke up about 20 minutes ago--from a seizure, I think. (I had been soundly asleep, so I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, but I think she was making seizure sounds.) As I slowly pulled myself to consciousness and looked at the clock, my first thought was, "How does she do that?!?"

For many of the last several nights, Caroline has woken up between 2 and 3 a.m. As I pulled on my fleece and made my way to her room through the dark, I wondered at possible causes. Does the white noise CD we play every night (precisely to prevent such awakenings) repeat itself or skip or make some other disturbing noise at about that time? Does something happen in her body six hours after a feeding that wakes her? She eats between 8 and 9 p.m., and during the day she eats every four hours; by 2 a.m., she's probably getting pretty hungry (even as I type this, she is making smacking noises with her mouth, as she is prone to do, especially around feeding time). Is there some noise outside at about this time of night that wakes her? Some neighbor leaving for an early morning shift at work?

Whatever it is, it's surprisingly--and annoyingly--regular, this 2 a.m. wake-up call from the next room. If I had somewhere to be at 3:30 a.m., I'd appreciate this reliable alarm clock, but as my only mid-night appointment is with my pillow...

But once you see Caroline--even at 2 a.m.--it's hard to maintain your frustration. She's so adorable, and she smiles big when you lift her out of the bean bag she sleeps in, looking around curiously with those big, innocent eyes, unsure what to make of the world in the middle of the night. And then you change her diaper (which is most often very wet, and likely leaking by this time), and she kicks and lifts her head and gets all excited like this cleaning ritual is some sort of game we play. So you smile and you talk to her and kiss her cheeks and she smiles some more.

As I was changing her diaper just now, I was absent mindedly singing one of the songs that Lizzy has declared we shall now sing for bedtime every night. It's the new Primary song for this year: The Family Is of God (here's an mp3 of it). It has a catchy melody--one that sticks in your head and makes you sing it again several hours later... in the middle of the night.

So there I was, wiping and changing wet clothes and putting on a clean diaper and singing, "God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be." And I looked at Caroline and suddenly the words came to the forefront of my consciousness, an unexpected intersection between poetry and the reality of my life in that moment. God gave me a family--including this 2 a.m. waker--to help me become what he wants me to be. And what is he teaching me at 2 a.m.? Certainly love. More? Not sure exactly. But there was a spirit to that song and to that moment that told me he is definitely teaching me something, shaping me into what he wants me to be. "This is how he shares his love," the chorus continues, "for the family is of God."

This moving, retrospective moment--wondering how God is shaping me and what he is teaching me--was quickly followed by another, more pragmatic, thought: "Whatever it is, I wish I'd hurry up and learn it so I can stop getting up at 2 a.m. every morning."

Well, she's back to sleep now, all curled up in the navy blue recliner we keep in her room. That's a recent blessing. We've discovered that the recliner cradles her just right and she will often fall back asleep by herself in the chair. This saves us from holding her until she falls asleep--which is often problematic when you try to put her back in her bed and she wakes up again... Anyway, I'm going to creep quietly back to my own bed now.