Funny Statements

Lizzy (and the Scouts) have said several funny things in the last week or so... I've been saving them up...


Loafing and Driving

Tonight Lizzy and I listened to a Hank the Cowdog book while we drove around in the car (helping my brother move a piano). At one point in the story, Hank describes the lazy ranch cat, who loafs around all the time and who "likes to loaf above everything except himself." Lizzy laughed and said, "The cat can't loaf above himself!"

Hank's trusty (or, actually, chicken-livered) deputy is a small dog named Drover. After we finished the story, Lizzy was telling Christine about it and in reference to Drover, she said, "His name is kind of like 'driver'--only "did driver.'"


What do you know?

Last night at dinner, Lizzy got frustrated with me (for what, I can't remember) and said, "Don't you know anything?!"

"I know lots of things," I responded. "Go ahead, ask me something. Anything."

She thought that was funny (whew--frustration averted), and she started asking questions.

"What's 100 divided by six?"

"16 and a little more than a half... two-thirds, actually. 16 and two-thirds."

"What's zero divided by 1,000?"

"Zero."

"What's one divided by 20?"

".05."

"What's a thousand gazillion billion divided by 18, times 12, plus 22?"

"Um... you got me."



A New Take on Polygamy

Tonight after reading scriptures, Lizzy said, "Back in the Old Testament when it was ok to have more than one wife, it would have been funny if one man had two wives and one woman had two husbands and then that man and that woman decided to get together. That would be a lot of parents!"



Triumphant Anthems

Last week a neighbor boy and Lizzy were playing in the back yard together. They found some sticks to use as swords and began playing war. And any good war game has music. So Lizzy's version of war mostly consisted of her dancing around the yard, waving her sword, and singing the war song she made up as they played: "Our swords crash together, our victims cry for mercy."

It had a rather catchy tune, so I decided to sing along. "Our swords crash together--"

"No, no!" Lizzy interrupted. "That's not right. It's more triumphant. Like this: Our swords crash together..." (Sung with gusto and a dramatic shaking of the head... very triumphant and grand, I must say... this was the conquering hero on a white steed singing the tale of her victory.)

Incidentally, the neighbor boy was not to be outdone. When I commented on Lizzy's song, he told me that he had a war song, too. His went like this--think the heavy marching of endless columns of orcs going into battle: "Crash, clang, bam, the battle weapons bang together, bash, boom, clash." A very male sort of song.



Wilderness Survival, According to 12-Year-Olds

A week ago for Scouts we discussed survival skills. When the Scoutmaster asked what four things you need to survive, one of the Scouts quickly raised his hand and gave the answer: "Food, water, love, and shelter."

In response to the laughter from the Scoutmaster and me, other boys chimed in in his defense: "Love is essential. It's been scientifically proven that without love, you'll die."

So next time you go into the wilderness, be sure to pack a teddy bear along with your water purification tablets. (Incidentally, the four things you actually need surprised me. Here they are, in order of priority: warmth, water, sleep, and food. I would not have thought sleep would be on that list.)

In the discussion about water, the Scoutmaster asked what you should do if you run out of water and you're not near civilization. Our experienced campers replied: "Panic."

And when the Scoutmaster asked what you should do if you are lost and you see a helicopter looking for you and you don't have a mirror, someone suggested, "Throw a rock."