Chalk Butterfly Garden

Lizzy and Christine created this picture on our sidewalk a couple of weeks ago.

Shade, Privacy, and Self-Reliance

About 10 days ago, our back-yard landscaping strategy suddenly changed. Ever since we moved into this house we have enjoyed the shade and privacy and bird-attraction of a huge blue spruce just over the fence. It was probably 40 feet or so tall, and the breadth of the evergreen effectively blocked any view of the neighbor's house, so that we almost didn't know those neighbors were there. We occasionally heard them, but we almost never saw them. And then there was the shade--the tree shaded about half of our back yard in the afternoons and evenings, providing a great setting for summer picnics and family gatherings.

Then a week and a half ago, Christine called me at work to tell me chain saws were slowly working away at the tree. They started at the bottom and shaved off the limbs going up. (We later heard the had suffered damage in the big snow storm a few weeks ago [see above], and that damage necessitated the removal.)

By the time I got home from work, the tree was just a big stick, and by the end of the day, it was gone. And there, in its place, were our neighbors. They looked at us, and we looked at them, a bit in shock to suddenly have someone there.

Their house, by the way, is much closer than we thought, making our yard feel much smaller than it did just a few days before. And the neighbors have a large second-floor deck that offers a great view of our entire back yard--not to mention our kitchen.

Our back yard which once seemed so large and secluded--and which once had a nice mountain-forest feel with that huge evergreen there--has now become a run-of-the-mill suburban back yard, with over-the-fence neighbors to reckon with.

As I pondered this development, I realized this is a good example of the importance of self-reliance. In our landscaping strategy, we have been relying on our neighbors for shade, privacy, and natural beauty, and although we had planted a couple of trees in the back yard, we had not given much thought to what we would do if that tree were not there. And our lack of preparation and self-reliance on that point is now painfully obvious.

Sigh.

[Here's a video of the middle third of the trunk coming down.]

Covering the Ground

Two days after we had a major snowstorm, Saturday was a beautiful spring day in Utah, with temperatures in the 60s. For me, it became the first Saturday yard work day of the year.

Main Project: Planting ground cover border along the back edge of the house.

Cost: About $30 at home depot: $5 each for five plants; $2.50 each for two bags of bark (I actually bought three and used one and a half bags to mulch around a couple of trees, leaving a bag and a half for this project)

Time to complete: About an hour and a half (plus shopping time, which was a while for me because I always get stuck in Home Depot, looking at new ideas, calling Christine to ask about this or that, and comparing my various options)

Tools needed: Shovel, rake

Plants: Prince of Wales Juniper, Juniperus horizontalis; an evergreen ground cover that has a feathery appearance; mature size: 4-6" tall, 3-6' wide; a nice juniper evergreen scent; a key selling point from the card attached to the plant: "Feature: Low maintenance."

Site prep: This space has actually been reserved for some plants for probably three years. I removed the previous growth about that long ago, and then two years ago a neighborhood boy did a work project for me--placing a 2x4 pressure-treated wood border along the edge of the grass to give a straight edge to the lawn. I had also moved dirt here from elsewhere in the yard to build up the area a little. (When we moved in, we had a "negative slope" here; meaning the ground sloped toward the house. This caused a problem during a huge rain storm one year. Rain water drained toward the house, leaking into the basement through tiny cracks in the foundation.) On Saturday as I planted these plants, I decided I had added too much dirt here, so I moved about four wheelbarrows of soil to another part of the yard.

What I would have done differently: I should have bought some sort of compost or fertilizer to use when I planted the ground cover. I didn't think of that until too late, and I was pressed for time and didn't want to go back to Home Depot to get some fertilizer. So I used a bit of Miracle Gro potting soil that I had in the garage--not enough and not the ideal compost, but I'm sure it will help a little. I also could have used one more bag of bark. The bark here is a bit thin.

Future projects in this area: This border is not reached by our sprinklers, so I need to work up a watering system. I will probably do a drip system of some sort, with little bubblers/drippers placed next to each plant.

Before Picture:



After picture:

Snow Shoveling in PJs

I was not planning to shovel my driveway yesterday morning. It snowed about three or four inches overnight, but this late in the year, you know it's all going to melt within 24 hours or so and it doesn't seem worth the effort.



So when I woke up in the morning, I gazed out the window and enjoyed the wintry scene. Snow is so much more enjoyable when you know you won't have to interact with it and when you know it is going to go away soon.

As I was about to take a shower, I thought I should quickly go out and take a few pictures of the unusual spring snow before it started melting. So I slipped on some shoes and walked out the back door. As I did so, I called to Lizzy to come look at the snow. She stepped out on the back porch, oohed and aahed at all the snow, muttered something about making snowmen, and went back inside while I took my pictures.

After a few minutes, I had taken the pictures I wanted and decided I should finish getting ready and head off to work; I had a big project in the morning and I wanted to arrive early. I walked up the snow covered steps and grabbed the door handle. It was locked.

We have, it appears, trained Lizzy well, and locking the door is about as automatic as shutting it. What we haven't trained Lizzy well in is answering the door. I knew this, but I knocked anyway. Nothing happened. The other problem, you see, was that Christine, who had already been up for a while, had gone back to bed and had put her earplugs in so she could sleep while I was getting ready. I knocked and knocked, but Christine couldn't hear me and Lizzy didn't choose to hear me. And our houseguests were downstairs sleeping soundly. And I was standing on the porch in my pajamas.

No problem, I thought. We installed a remote keypad outside the garage for just such instances. I would walk around the side of the house, activate the garage door opener from the keypad, and get into the house that way. On my way around the house, I took some pictures of the snow covered chain-link fence.


Well, the keypad worked just fine, and I got into the garage. But then I discovered a new problem. The door from the garage to the house was locked from the inside. We never lock that door, but in the last few nights, I have noticed that our houseguests had locked it. This is a good practice. An extra level of defense against intruders. We should probably do that more often. And we should also hide a key somewhere in the garage for when we are stuck outside in the snow in our PJs.

So I tried the front door. Also locked. Knocked. Rang the door bell. Tried to call to Lizzy through the little window in the door. Nothing.



So what do you do when you are locked out of your house on a snowy morning in your pajamas and no one is answering the door? Well, you might decide to be productive. Since you can get into the garage, you do have access to the snow shovel. So you could shovel the driveway. And the sidewalk. And you could try ringing the doorbell again once or twice. And you could take more pictures of cool snow everywhere. And you could wave cheerfully to neighbors who drive by and you could hope they don't notice that you are wearing your pajamas.

After about a half-hour of such activity, I tried the garage door and the front door again. Still no one willing to answer. I was just about to take my snow shovel and go work on the neighbor's driveway when I noticed the front window curtains part, and there stood Lizzy, looking around questioningly (presumably trying to figure out who kept ringing the doorbell). I called to her and ran to the window waving my arms, telling her to open the door, which, gratefully, she did. At long last. Deliverance.

Afterword: While I was shoveling, I heard a cracking sound from the neighbors' yard and realized their flowering plum had collected too much snow and half of it succumbed to the weight of the fluffy white stuff (above).

As I drove around town, I noticed many other trees had suffered a similar fate--most of them were the same type of tree, in full pink-flowered bloom. I assume the problem was that the blossoms provide more surface area and thus more snow-carrying potential than the branches can handle.

But I also noticed an evergreen that had lost a branch. We didn't get *that* much snow--certainly no more than a good winter snowfall. What causes trees to break more easily in the spring?

Afterword, part II:This evening I came home to find that the pristine snow in our back yard had been gleefully trampled by a handful of young children (Lizzy and her cousins).

How to Handle a Woman (according to John Wayne)

Last night, Christine and I watched "The Quiet Man," which had been recommended by one of Christine's friends. It stars John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara (who also star together in "McClintock," which has similar male-female relationship themes). I learned the following lessons from John Wayne about how to treat a woman:

1. If you see an attractive woman walking along, the best way to communicate your interest in her is to stare, mouth agape, after her.

2. If you see an attractive woman and communicate your interest by staring, you will know if she is also interested if she keeps turning around to stare at you in return while she continues walking. This sort of "stare and return stare" communication indicates true and lasting love; no other courtship is necessary.

3. If you exchange a couple of "stare and return stare" instances with a woman and you later find that she has snuck into your new house and cleaned it for you, but she is hiding in your house because she is embarrassed and you don't know where she is hiding, it's a good idea to flush her out of hiding by throwing a rock through a window.

4. If a woman you love deeply (because you have stared and she has stared back) tries to flee your house after cleaning it for you, you should grab her wrist when she is halfway out the door and yank her back inside the house and kiss her. Don't worry about her arm and don't bother with words. Just yank her back and kiss her. This is a good way of showing your deep love and respect.

5. After circumstances similar to those above, you can declare your intention to marry a woman. She will agree and smile bashfully as she leaves. (This is so much easier than traditional courting: just a stare, a rock, a yank, and a kiss. That's all it takes.)

6. If your beloved is from another culture and if her customs don't agree with yours, you should do your best to ignore them and do things your way.

7. When your wife is upset about something, if it does not seem important to you, you should tell her it's silly and doesn't matter and she should just forget it. She may get mad at you, but that's just a woman being silly. You should not give in.

8. If your wife becomes angry at you, storms into the bedroom, and slams and locks the door, you should kick the door down, yell that there will be no locking of doors, pick her up, throw her on the bed, and leave the room. Nevermind if you have to fix the door later, and don't worry about scaring her to death with your violence and anger. This sort of fear is good for a woman.

9. You should hide your past from your wife. Do not explain difficult things from the past that are affecting the way you behave now.

10. "Woman of the house" is a good term of endearment for your wife. It is best used when you are hungry. In these circumstances, you should use the term this way: After waking up or coming home, you should walk into the kitchen and call loudly (whether or not you can see her), "Woman of the house! Where's my breakfast (or dinner, as the case may be)?" She will enjoy being addressed this way.

11. If you are frustrated with your wife and you think she is being silly or is not understanding you (see number 9, above), you should grab her by the wrist and pull her along on a five-mile walk. During these five miles, you should not address her except in a few angry tones. You should walk quickly and never stop, pulling her all the way. If she falls down, you should grab her arm or the back of her coat and drag her until she decides to get up and keep walking. If she loses her shoe, you should keep moving and not wait for her to put her shoe back on. A crowd of strangers will likely gather and follow you along. They will see this treatment as good for your wife and may even encourage it by giving you a stick to use on your wife as needed. Don't worry about publicly embarrassing your wife in front of all these people. She will later quickly forgive you and think the better of you for it.

12. Fighting is a good way to prove your bravery to your wife. Women like men who can beat up other guys. Your wife will be pleased if you come home drunk after a brawl. Oh--and your foe is likely to become your new best friend after you whip him.


How on earth did John Wayne become the icon of American manhood? He's my new least-favorite person.

Incidentally, I do not recommend this movie.